256: I'm Your Daddy

What is it like to have a week old baby?

Well, for me? Pretty chill. I recorded this 8 days after Ashton was born and things were pretty simple—that's reflected in my answers.

But the weeks after? That's another story.

The funny thing is that I meant to get this video edited and published before my 4 week parental leave ended, but my Daddy duties kept expanding and I was having trouble finding the time to get this out.

The thing about kids (I'm told) is that they are always changing. So here's an initial snapshot, more to come.

Have some more outlier / founder posts in the works as well. Hopefully a more consistent publishing schedule to come.

— Jason

(Open the email to see the embedded video above ☝️ or read the condensed summary below 👇)

What emotions have been most dominant this week?

The strongest feeling is how natural this all feels. With nothing else on my priority list (I'm not working this month), caring for her just comes naturally. She likes to smoosh her face into my chest when I'm wearing her and I always wonder, "Can you breathe?" But there seems to be enough space.

She's small and light - you can palm her with one hand or tuck her like a football when needed. Right now it's simple: feed her, change her, help her sleep. That's 90% of her day. Week one has meant less sleep, but the night shift/day shift system my wife and I set up is working well.

Have there been any moments of unexpected joy, struggle, or clarity? I'd worried about all the baby tasks, but it's actually straightforward right now. Yes, there's bottle washing, formula prep, diaper changes - but it's all logical. With my ADHD, I usually struggle with tasks that feel arbitrary, but everything for the baby feels important and necessary. This gives me confidence that I'll handle future challenges well because caring for her matters so much to me.

What are specific moment you never want to forget?

The birth - there's lots of waiting, then suddenly everything happens fast. You see this little black and white head peek through, but her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. They quickly cut it, and she came out so fast the nurses had to work to catch her - she was slippery! Her immediate crying was amazing - it meant she had energy and strong lungs.

She flew early in her life, and seeing her full name on the airline ticket was surreal. At the airport, older parents would congratulate us with such genuine joy, telling us to treasure this time because it goes so fast.

Also being called "daddy" - even in the hospital during her tests, nurses would say "daddy's here" when she'd cry. It hits different - she's my baby, and I'm her daddy.

What's something about newborn life you didn't fully appreciate before?

Feeding is fascinating. We're doing formula, and there's a lot to manage - finding the right bottle and formula, ensuring she latches, burping her, dealing with spillage. But it's rewarding when she latches on and really goes for it. It's like every meal is the best she's ever had.

The start was stressful - she was born at 6 pounds 6 ounces, and babies typically lose weight initially. Getting her to drink enough those first days was tough.

How's my wife adjusting?

While I've been mentally preparing for parenthood longer, my wife's experiencing a fascinating shift. As an artist, she used to treat her art like her child. Now she has an actual baby who can love her back, it's freed her relationship with art. She can create purely for herself now. Though the adjustment's been more stressful for her, she's handling it well.

Work-wise, I'm taking a month off. My clients have been supportive. Most of my "work" involves sharing baby updates and photos. We're visiting neighbors who care about her, and my parents visit tomorrow. I'm documenting everything because she'll never be this small again.

What's been easier than expected?

We're lucky - she's not very fussy. When she cries, it's usually for clear reasons: diaper, hunger, cold, or needing to burp. Though I might miss some fussy evening times during my late-night shift, she's generally sweet.

I did have one stressful crying episode while my wife was on a call. Moving between rooms for supplies while she was crying was tough. I felt frustrated, thinking "what's wrong? You're fine!" But that was just 15-20 minutes - veteran parents probably think that's nothing.

Sleep's been decent - I get about five hours at night plus some daytime naps. Working out has been trickier than expected though. Days fill up fast, and fitting in exercise between her sleep sessions is challenging.

I've gained huge respect for stay-at-home parents. Anyone who says baby care is easy is crazy - it requires constant organization and planning. The economics of childcare are tricky - the value is immense but hard to monetize since the baby can't pay you back directly so really it's just about how much available resources the parents and family can allocate towards the care.

What habits do you want to establish?

I'm trying to speak Chinese to her. I was born in China but lost some language skills after moving to the US. It's challenging - my vocabulary is limited, so I repeat phrases a lot. I'm working on improving my own Chinese to give her better exposure.

What do you hope to remember a year from now?

Our family walks have been special. Before, it was just me and my wife, but now it's the three of us - my family. When we're all snuggling together, it's even better than just couple time. This week has been about becoming a unit, our little clan. Like in Lilo and Stitch: "This is my family. I found it. All on my own. It's little, but still good."