224: Uncovering Your Patterns
I was delight to encounter the research of psychologist Jessica Tracy on a recent episode of the Hidden Brain podcast. She's a leading emotions research and wrote a book about the power (and danger) of pride.
Tracy explains there's two types of pride:
🏆 Hubristic Pride—the kind that feeds your ego
💙 Authentic Pride—the kind that feeds your heart
The first makes you focused on trying to be better than others, and increases your desire to control, manipulate, and dominate others, while the latter makes you more creative, empathetic, and intrinsically motivated.
I loved the podcast because it turns out I've been leveraging this insight for the last year without even knowing it. In my intro sessions, which run for two hours (yes, two full hours), I ask everyone to complete a simple exercise that runs surprisingly deep:
Identify three to four moments of authentic pride in their lives.
I tell clients to focus less on the resume highlights, but on the eulogy virtues. The achievements or experiences that give you a genuine sense of personal pride and satisfaction when you reflect on them privately—whatever they might be.
These moments look different for everyone. I've heard stories about starting a scrappy nonprofit in college while balancing a demanding course load. Transforming decades-old health habits at 45 because they wanted to be around when their son grew up. Keeping every single team member employed during the pandemic by having everyone agree to salary reductions.
What fascinates me isn't just the stories themselves—it's what happens when we dig deeper. When we explore questions like:
- What was the hardest part?
- What made you push through when things got tough?
- Why does this particular achievement make you proud?
- What exactly did you do to make it work?
This is where the magic happens.
When you ask people to reflect on these moments, patterns start to emerge. Patterns that tell you something profound about who someone is and what matters to them.
Some clients have an incredible tolerance for well-considered but still risky bets that others wouldn't dare to consider. Others have an amazing ability to build bridges between people or ideas that nobody else thought to connect. Some folks light up when they're figuring things out from scratch, treating every obstacle like an exciting puzzle to solve.
I believe these patterns are more than interesting observations. They're clues to your personal playbook—the unique way you move through the world and make things happen. And once you understand your patterns, you can apply them to whatever challenge you're facing right now.
That founder who realized all their past successes came from deep listening and radical empathy? They stopped trying to be the "visionary leader" everyone said they should be and instead leaned into their natural strength of building through understanding. Their company took off in ways they never expected.
Now, you don't need me or any other coach to do this kind of reflection. This is something you can explore on your own, and I encourage you to try.
Set aside some quiet time and ask yourself: What are the accomplishments—professional or personal—that give you that deep, genuine sense of pride? Not the ones that look good on paper, but the ones that feel meaningful to you.
Then get curious. Explore your motivation for this endeavor, why it mattered to you, what challenged you about it, and how you got through it.
The patterns you uncover might surprise you. Maybe you'll notice you thrive when bringing order to chaos. Or perhaps you'll see that your biggest breakthroughs always came from questioning conventional wisdom.
Whatever you discover, these insights are invaluable—they're your personal map for navigating future challenges.
Because here's the truth I've learned from hundreds of conversations with ambitious builders like yourself: Your past achievements aren't just memories to feel good about. They're clues to understanding your unique way of creating change in the world. And once you understand your pattern, you can apply it intentionally to whatever mountain you're currently trying to climb.
I'd love to hear what you discover if you decide to try this reflection. What patterns emerge? What surprises you? What confirms what you've always known about yourself but perhaps never fully acknowledged?
Until next time,
Jason
PS—it can be easy to pick the things that look the shiniest or most impressive. But the real value of this activity is when you truly dig deep and find the "smaller" more intimate moments that spark that pride for you